Being critiqued....the after thoughts

The red pen of death.

My third grade teacher had one.  She would walk in between our desks flipping it around her fingers waiting to whip it out and mark our pages with a deadly, red ink that could kill any young kids' literary dreams.  (ok, so it wasn't THAT dramatic - but that's what being critiqued/edited feels like to me.)

This weekend Erika and I went to a critiquing event.  I waited until the last possible moment to sign up; it was a selfish attempt to save myself pain, suffering, and a lot of unnecessary chocolate bon bons.   For once it paid off to be a complete slacker!

This is actual excerpts from our texting conversation ;)
Toni: Do we HAVE to go tomorrow?
Erika: Yes, you whimp put on ur big girl pants
Toni: I don't have any
Erika: It will be fine, my critiquer is "Jane Austen"
Toni: What?  How do u know that?
Erika: Ck ur email.  Geez.
Toni: um....

Toni: OMG! OMG! "Jane Austen" is mine too!
Erika:  Oh good, I'll bring my red pen for sure....

Well that's how I remember it anyway.  The great thing about blogging is that Erika isn't here to say otherwise.

Alright so I'm lying my big girl pants off.  But seriously, just knowing that Erika was in my group saved me from withdrawing all my kids' college fund money to support my new bon bon habit.

So now that you understand how stupidly nervous I get (and if you don't get that, then just stop reading...there's no hope for you) I feel like I can FINALLY get to the after thoughts.  Every time I send my manuscripts out, whether to an agent, editor, or even a friend, I feel like that red pen of death is coming for me.  I feel like everyone is going to hate what I wrote and tell me to give up on my dreams.  And that's the problem.  I feel that.  Not once has anyone ever said - "this sucks - don't quit your day job."  No one has ever hacked up my novel with a red a pen.

I'm the mean third grade teacher by doubting myself.

This event was no different; there wasn't a single red pen.  Yes, I wanted everyone to say how perfect it was and ask why it wasn't already published, but they didn't.  They offered their sincere advice.  The most important thing about critiques is to go in open minded and to listen to what they are saying.  You can't get defensive and you have to know what advice to take and what advice to leave behind.  It is your novel, your characters; you live with them every day.

I sincerely appreciate the group I was in and all of their comments.  And more than that I appreciate the fact that they were all just as nervous as I was and have made me re-think why I get so nervous about events.

Maybe, just maybe, the next time I go to an event....I will only buy 1 box of bon bons!

I said maybe.