SCBWI Conference - Putting yourself out there

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a bit of a wallflower.

I wear plain colored clothes, I avoid almost all eye contact, and although I smile a lot, I'm constantly nervous as hell, and could, at any time, barf all over you.  With that said, the only other thing you need to know before reading this blog is that I am afraid of rubber chickens.  Yes.  I said I am AFRAID of rubber chickens. 

 

Okay, in my defense it's not the rubber chicken themselves (God bless their little, hollow, plastic souls) that I'm afraid of, it's what they represent, and worse - what they are usually used for.  

Acting. I hate it.  I loath it.  I am horrible at it.  (Do you get the idea yet?  No? - Ok then, let's just say I was SO good at acting that in Junior High the drama teacher immediately asked me to go help the props people! I remember she said something about people wouldn't be able to hear me if I whispered and hiding behind other actors made it hard for the audience to see me.  Whatever.) 

So moving on.  This last weekend was the SCBWI Conference.  (Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators)  My wonderful, talented, supportive, funny co-blogger Erika and I attended.  Originally I thought how great it was going to be already knowing someone at the conference - that was until I realized we wouldn't be in any of the classes together (she writes PB and I write MG and YA) :(

Oh.  I lied.  The other thing you need to know about me is that I am an accommodator. Those unlucky enough to know me back in my anti-acting days, would often say I was "brown nosing" the teachers because I would invariably end up helping them with something, everything.  Honestly, it wasn't brown nosing, it was a genetic defect that left me feeling compelled to help when no one else would volunteer.

So moving on - AGAIN.    I went to my first class of my first writers conference and I sat at a table in the back, against the far wall (told you, wallflower).  The instructor came in with a bunch of props. I tried to ignore them. There was only about 15 of us in there at the time.  The instructor asked if someone was willing to help her.

(Imagine me melting into the accordion divider that separated the rooms, while having an anxiety attack, while a gallon of sweat flooded out of every pore, while nausea crawled up my throat, threatening to bring my breakfast with it - that should get you close enough to how I was feeling at that exact moment.)

So anyway, she needed 2 volunteers.  (Imagine the above again!) Finally another girl agreed (imagine the above again, simply because there was still 1 victim to be found!) Then the room got quiet and NO ONE SAID ANYTHING!!!  (YES I'M YELLING BECAUSE, DARN THOSE OTHER PEOPLE!!!)

So I am sure you can guess by now what happened.

I agreed to help - with a stipulation.  No rubber chickens. And I am sure you can guess what else happened.  Yes!  The first thing she did when the other girl and I got up to "help" was grab the rubber chicken!  Ugh.

Long story short, we're not allowed to give specifics about the conference materials but let's just say this girl and I had to act out a 12-line scene about 87 BAZILLION times.  The longer it went the sillier I got simply because my mind had gone into its self-imposed bomb shelter and left me to defend myself with sub-par acting skills.  (At one point I was to kick the rubber chicken, as if shooing away a live one - the only problem was that no one told my nerve-riddled leg anything about being gentle and, more than once, I kicked it dangerously close to my fellow classmates across the room! Seriously embarrassing)

SO what was my point?  (Ha!  Jokes on you, there isn't one!) No, there is.

There is so much to learn about writing and being an author, and a lot of it you can do by putting yourself out there.  Was I the best actor ever?  No!  NO!  (Not even close) BUT, here's the thing, I learned something about myself.  I learned that I can do it - I can put myself out there!  Conferences only come around once a year and they are full of opportunities; what I learned from that exercise, besides never trust a rubber chicken, is how to make dialogue flow - something I knew I needed to work on.

And although I was still too chicken (not a rubber chicken) to go up and talk to any of the editors and/or literary agents, I have grown, and guess what????

I have something to work on for next year's conference!

So watch out editors and literary agents attending SCBWI's Portland 2013 conference, there just might be a nervous and frightened author coming up to talk you......and who knows maybe I'll be the one to bring the rubber chicken!!

NOT!

 - Toni